| Thursday, August 17th, 2006 |
| 12:46 pm |
So my friend Shane Powers is in the hospital He is paralyzed from his waist down OMFG He went to prom with my group I've known him for 5 years Fucking car accidents Hell fucking drugs. I think he was on something when he was in the accident He broke his goddamn neck. OMG. I saw him the day of the accident And never said anything to him I wish I had now Even though I know it wouldn't of done anything Maybe.. I don't know. Fuck man. Please pray for Shane. I LOVE YOU SHANE SOOOO MUCH!!! |
| Sunday, July 30th, 2006 |
| 1:11 am |
i am bummed the fuck out right now. and of course i have no real reason to. the only reason i have is my mother. my fucking mother. my goddamn mother. i am tired of her. i am tired of for 17 years not having one, just an imposter who orders us about, fucks my dad and drinks our liquor to suddenly a woman who THINKS she is our mother. i have raised myself and my brother and now suddenly she wants to?! wtf? so that causes problems because i am stuck in my ways of what i do when i do them and she tries to change them. oh! and better yet! she hasnt had one drop of alc. all week long. so now she is going through withdrawal. and being a total bitch to me! i just want to get away to escape from this shit. but i am stuck. i could take care of myself no problem but i cant drive, dont have a job, and no money. but i am independent enough. and if i had those things i could do it. but i dont. so i cant. its like im fucking stuck in limbo. and im the one doing it to myself. i am just fed the fuck up. and tired of her being so unstable. she goes weeks at a time to where it seems like she is drunk off her ass 24/7 and then suddenly puts it down for however long she can last? one minute i have to raise a kid and myself and take care of the house and then the next she is trying to do it for me and getting onto me when i do? uh. what the fuck ever. i am over this shit. |
| Friday, July 28th, 2006 |
| 1:08 am |
I dont know what to think. so i like this girl. yes to all of you who didnt know, i am bi. drop it and move on. anyway..so i like this girl. and i like her a lot. but i still feel for wes. and i feel for him strongly. but i dont think that he wants to try with me for some reason. i think he sees no reason to. because of chelsea and because he plans on moving to ireland. and for something else not known to me. i am so tired of waiting around for him. i have done EVERYTHING for him. i have been a good friend. i have given him good advice. put up with him having a girlfriend. helped him. been kind to him. everything. and i have never stopped trying. and i am so tired of trying with him when nothing comes out of it. i fell for him. not in love. but i fell hard. and it hurt when he left. it hurt when he got a girlfriend AFTER i told him i liked him. and it hurts now that he just doesnt want me when I have tried so hard. so i have chelsea right? maybe. maybe not. i like her so much..but she has a broken heart from some other girl. and it doesnt really seem like she wants to try with me. i mean sometimes it does sometimes it doesnt. im confused as hell. i dont know what to think. she lives an hour away and only she can drive. plus..SHES A GIRL and i havent told my rents yet. so how limited is that going to be? quite. i dont know what to think or to do. i hate romantic shit. and i would rather stay OUT of having a relationship. but when i fall. i fall hard. and i have fallen for both of these people. and they both seem like its not going to work. why is that? its simply not fucking fair. why cant things EVER go right for me in the love department? just once. thats all im fucking asking. just once for christs sake. |
| Thursday, July 27th, 2006 |
| 7:01 pm |
So a very good friend of mine Kristen Seivertsen just found out that she has a cancerous cyst the size of a cantalope. It was originally the size of a grapefruit. She is in the hopsital and they are going to remove it. She is a tiny girl. It streches across her abdomen. I am really worried for her. I have been praying nonstop. I hope she turns out ok. I really really do. |
| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 |
| 6:29 pm |
So lets think. SuicideGirls accepted my application and I set up my profile on the website last night. The profile won't become active until I send in the pictures but once I do you can search for me under my name: Delilah. I really am excited about this. My parents don't know about it and I dont plan on telling them at first. I want to give it a shot a few times and then see if I want to really do this. And if I choose to. Then I will break it to them. The thing is is that SG wants you to choose your own photographer that you know. So I need to find someone who is good at photography and won't mind taking pictures of me naked. Yeah. haha. But I have an idea actually on what I want to do for my picture. So if anyone reading this is good at photography and doesnt mind taking pictures of me nude..let me know! =] haha I am really excited about it. More than you know. It's an art. And it's not like this is porn. I really dont consider it porn. It's beautiful. And i WONT be doing the hook up videos. So dont worry about that. But the whole idea of this is that they are redefining beauty. They have girls of all sizes, of all races, girls with tattoos and girls with piercings and dyed hair. I love the idea of being involved in redefining beauty. One hot naked chick at a time. =] haha It's a rock alternative Playboy. And it is VERY popular.Girls who have done this have appeared in music videos, tv shows, talk shows, radio talk shows, and have appeared IN fashion shows. And not to mention they have open invitations to the hottest parties in town. Very hollywood. I can't wait to do this. I hope this works out. But I really hope no one thinks of me as a slut for this. Sure I am naked. But I won't be suggesting anything with my pictures. Some girls take pictures where it looks like theyre fingering themselves or something. I won't be. I will have class with this. And I wont be blowing some guy off or having my tongue down some girls throat to make it popular. And sure I will be getting paid $500 per shoot accepted. But I'm not really doing it for the money. I'm doing it because I want to. Because I feel confident enough with my body. Because I think that women my size shouldnt be ashamed of their bodies. Because I love to be naked =] And because I only live once. I want to try everything I can. Dont knock it til you try it, right? Hell yeah! I also am torn between getting either a lip ring or a monroe piercing. I want one or the other. I was going to get a tattoo and I plan on eventually. But I am way too fickle about what I want. And that is permanent. I told my dad about my whole piercing idea and we ended up getting in a fight about it. He really isn't fond at all of the idea. But I really want one. But I don't know what would look better one me a monroe or a lip piercing. What do you think? Either one's going to hurt. But I will survive. Beauty is pain right? And I think that piercings and tattoos are fucking beautiful. |
| 2:36 pm |
SO SuicideGirls accepted my application. And now I am an official SG!! Yay! All I have to do is fill out some paperwork and then turn them in with the pictures. So next..posing nude. Bleh haha I'm excited though. I really want to do this. I just won't be in any videos. That's where I draw the line. Because THATS porn. Pictures are art. And I am still torn between either a lip ring or a monroe. I broke the news to my dad the other day and we ended up getting in a fight because he doesn't want me to get one. But I do. And it's going to be MY money. And I can legally do it on my own. And eventually I'm going to take it out. I mean it's not like this is a permanent thing. Whatever. But I can't decide between the 2. What do you think would look better? I can't decide. |
| Tuesday, July 25th, 2006 |
| 5:01 am |
Ok so I havent used this thing in a long time. But I thought that I would give this a shot. So whats new with me? A whole lot but then not all that much at the same time. I have "come out" this summer, telling everyone that I am bi. I am "talking" with this girl named Chelsea who is absolutly precious! And I like her a lot. But I also like 2 other people. Both guys. The first guy I have liked for almost a year and his name is Wes. He left for the marines but because he used to have to take Zanax or something like it he was disqualified. So he's back home and single. So on Wednesday we are going to have a hang out date thing. And then the other guy I have liked for a few months. His name is Grant. And on Friday we are going on a casual date. I am back to talking to Cameron after he fucked with me. I start college at GAYnesville on the 17th. And I am nervous as fuck. It is going to be so hard on me. The first semester is going to be hell. I applied today to be a SuicideGirl model. =] I dont know if they will accept me or not. We'll have to see. And then I am getting a monroe piercing. Hopefully today. I'm not sure. And I am getting red and blonde highlights[more] in my hair soon. And then 2 tattoos within the next few months. So thats my life in a nutshell. A lot has been going on yet at the same time..not much. <3 Current Mood:  ecstatic |
| Monday, December 19th, 2005 |
| 8:38 pm |
My first one
So this is my first livejournal entry! I got so tired of xanga so I decided to make one of these. Let's see how it goes. I don't have many friends on here though so that's going to be fun. I got a bunch of christmas presents today! I got the new Ashlee Simpson cd!! YAY! I have recently fallen in love with Marilyn Monroe and Bette Davis. They are incredible! I just love Old Hollywood. Sigh...I will be famous one day.... |
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